The Crazy Cycle

This week's SS lesson (see http://www.ssnet.org/qrtrly/eng/09c/less08nkjv.html) focuses on our horizontal relationships (i.e Loving Brothers and Sisters). The quarterly just reminded me of a discussion I once had with a colleague at work about the so-called "crazy cycle" in relationships. It's nothing "new under the Sun" as king Solomon puts it in Ecclesiastes because we've all witnessed it or even experienced it at some point in our lives.

It all begins with a broken-relationship. You have just gotten over a couple of weeks, months or even years of mourning for your ex. Now you’re ready to start off afresh. Lonely, anxious and perhaps, bitter too. You say to yourself that it’s either you give it up or wait for a miracle to happen. Days, weeks, months and years pass and God hasn’t sent you your dream man or woman who is to wipe you off your feet and cause you to forget that you’ve ever been hurt or even ever been in any relationship before. But he or she is not showing up – yet.

Then, finally, just when you were at the edge of giving up - boom! He or she comes your way. Perhaps, he or she shares a similar background to yours or their simply totally emotionally untainted. But at this stage it doesn’t really matter. You’re both head over heels! They call it love, but we call it infatuation. The first few months of this new relationship are the most exciting ones ever. You both believe you’ve met your dream… you know who! It’s the one time you will ever believe what you have found is rare gold. You adore each other… But relationships make people glow with time. The more loved you feel, the brighter you appear and the more attractive you become to even those who would have never considered you in the first place. At the same time, while your countenance is shining, your “dream man or woman” is showing their true colors. Oohps, the romantic phase is about to end! They call it the “stability phase of the relationship”, but we call it REALITY!

As reality kicks in, you’re beginning to see the flaws in your partner. You then realize that after all, he or she is not an angel. He or she is not “the best” thing that has ever happened to you in the world. But then here’s the freaky part of the story – while you begin to doubt your partner, everyone else out there is making a move on you. You’re glowing. You’ve been increasingly glowing during the now-ending romantic phase. Then here comes that old ugly wise saying that “the grass always looks greener on the other side”. You start telling yourself that you are capable of moving to greener pastures – after all, every other guy or girl is eyeing you. At this stage, you start taking each other for granted. While you couldn’t breathe any second that passed that he or she didn’t call you during the romantic phase, you’re now comfortable with not staying in touch for days, weeks and it could become months. You don’t care anymore because even if he or she leaves you, there are greener pastures out there staring right at your face.

Then, what happens next is the break-up. You’re both sick and tired of this now boring relationship or maybe one of you just decides to cheat. In any case, you just decide to call it off. Strangely, you go through so much pain. You regret. You fret. You wish you hadn’t… It’s weird! Days, weeks and months pass and you’re mourning. But then you’re over it. However, you feel lonely, anxious and perhaps, bitter too and you say to yourself that it’s either you give it up or wait for a miracle to happen. Then, here comes another relationship… SOUNDS FAMILIAR? It’s one of the craziest cycle we have ever witnessed, yet we see it happening everyday.

We see people roller-coast through such emotional madness day after day because we forget one basic truth: Love is not a feeling, it’s a Principle! Love is a discipline, a commitment. One has to know that from the very start of any relationship that one day their partners may end up looking worse than Charlie Chaplain or even Shrek. But if we purpose in our hearts from the very start to stick – faithfully – to our spouses or partners or lovers, no matter what, we won’t really have to get entangled by the crazy cycle. Before you start thinking whether or not the grass looks greener outside, remind yourself of exactly where you were when you first met this guy or this girl. Remember the things in him or her that drew your attention. Trust me, the grass outside is just an illusion. The hard truth is that if you leave your partner, hoping to run off with someone else, you will never be entirely happy. In fact, there are more chances than not that after you break up your glowing face will turn dull and you may sadly end up looking like a shrimp in distress.

Our relationships with our brothers and sisters, friends and relatives must be viewed in the same light. On the Thursday part of the quarterly, the author speaks of "Love in Practice". We're reminded to show our love to our brethren at the very time when they need us, no matter how adequate we feel. Loving is a principle that we build up... To love anyone unconditionally, requests for pre-determination!

I also would like to invite you to join the eWeek of prayer at http://www.facebook.com/l/;sidmedia.org/index.php/newmedia/eprayer.